1/13/2006
This is a long one so bare with me...
The holidays have come and gone and I am now over the hump. I am past the halfway point of my deployment and that much closer to getting home to my fiance. You would think that it would be a point of rejoicement knowing that I will soon be home with my love. But that doesnt seem to be the feelings these days.
Let me backtrack to my first deployment to Bosnia. I was dating someone who I had know for a long time and I thought that a little 6 month deployment to Bosnia would be nothing. Boy was I wrong. We had a relationship that was not real open and we grew more and more distant as the days grew on. We eventually broke up a week after I got home because she didnt want to send me a "Dear John" letter. I respected her for her decisions and we moved on. We are still friends to this day. At that moment I decided that as long as I am in the military that I would be single until I got out.
Fast forward to November of 2004. I had known Kristen for quite some time and we were getting to know each other. I was instantly attracted to her because she has it all. The looks, personality, the whole nine yards. She on the other hand, was hesitant to date someone who not only was a student in a fraternity but also in the military. But, unusual for me, I did not give up on her. Just when I had her warming up to me, I got the call. I found out about a week or two before Thanksgiving that my unit was getting called up once again for Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was floored to say the least. I hadn't even been home 2 years yet and I was getting whisked away again. At that moment I holed up. I was like a turtle who was hiding in his shell. But at this point, Kristen was not going to give up. I went on orders in December of 2004 and when I wasn't in Scranton, I was with Kristen. She finally broke down my wall and we started dating in January 2005. I couldn't be happier that I decided not to stay single.
Here we are now in January 2006. We have been together now for a little over a year and things have been shaky. A bright side to this is that we have a very open and honest relationship which to be honest, I have never had before. The gut check came tonight when we were talking. I had expressed my concerns that I was losing her and their was nothing I could do to stop this. I have been having feelings of hopelessness which can feel worse than any physical pain. My fear was that she would not be able to go through waiting and that it was too much. She admitted to having these thoughts and my heart was dropping each second waiting for the rest of her statement. She went on to tell me that it is hard but that she is still hanging in there. Wow.......my whole world was spinning waiting to hear those words. I told her that when I get home that we can go back to day one again and start over if she likes. I told her that planning the wedding we will do when she is ready. Hell, I'm a guy, I can stay engaged for years because we all know the hardest thing to say is "I do." I also told her that I will be looking for a place to live and that I dont expect her to move in right away if she isnt comfortable. For now, it looks like we have survived the waves and the storm. I can only hope that we can survive as a couple and move on with our lives together.
Remember to have a moment of silence for all the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines who have paid the ultimate price for freedom......
The holidays have come and gone and I am now over the hump. I am past the halfway point of my deployment and that much closer to getting home to my fiance. You would think that it would be a point of rejoicement knowing that I will soon be home with my love. But that doesnt seem to be the feelings these days.
Let me backtrack to my first deployment to Bosnia. I was dating someone who I had know for a long time and I thought that a little 6 month deployment to Bosnia would be nothing. Boy was I wrong. We had a relationship that was not real open and we grew more and more distant as the days grew on. We eventually broke up a week after I got home because she didnt want to send me a "Dear John" letter. I respected her for her decisions and we moved on. We are still friends to this day. At that moment I decided that as long as I am in the military that I would be single until I got out.
Fast forward to November of 2004. I had known Kristen for quite some time and we were getting to know each other. I was instantly attracted to her because she has it all. The looks, personality, the whole nine yards. She on the other hand, was hesitant to date someone who not only was a student in a fraternity but also in the military. But, unusual for me, I did not give up on her. Just when I had her warming up to me, I got the call. I found out about a week or two before Thanksgiving that my unit was getting called up once again for Operation Iraqi Freedom. I was floored to say the least. I hadn't even been home 2 years yet and I was getting whisked away again. At that moment I holed up. I was like a turtle who was hiding in his shell. But at this point, Kristen was not going to give up. I went on orders in December of 2004 and when I wasn't in Scranton, I was with Kristen. She finally broke down my wall and we started dating in January 2005. I couldn't be happier that I decided not to stay single.
Here we are now in January 2006. We have been together now for a little over a year and things have been shaky. A bright side to this is that we have a very open and honest relationship which to be honest, I have never had before. The gut check came tonight when we were talking. I had expressed my concerns that I was losing her and their was nothing I could do to stop this. I have been having feelings of hopelessness which can feel worse than any physical pain. My fear was that she would not be able to go through waiting and that it was too much. She admitted to having these thoughts and my heart was dropping each second waiting for the rest of her statement. She went on to tell me that it is hard but that she is still hanging in there. Wow.......my whole world was spinning waiting to hear those words. I told her that when I get home that we can go back to day one again and start over if she likes. I told her that planning the wedding we will do when she is ready. Hell, I'm a guy, I can stay engaged for years because we all know the hardest thing to say is "I do." I also told her that I will be looking for a place to live and that I dont expect her to move in right away if she isnt comfortable. For now, it looks like we have survived the waves and the storm. I can only hope that we can survive as a couple and move on with our lives together.
Remember to have a moment of silence for all the Soldiers, Sailors, Airmen, and Marines who have paid the ultimate price for freedom......
